Sample Paper Analysis

Paper #1
“Foreign Athletic Limits”
Grade: D
Explanation: If there is a thesis statement it is extremely weak. There were many spelling and grammatical errors. Most of it was hard to understand because of awkward wording. There were errors in the citations. I could be mistaken, but don't think they used all of their sources. There seems to be a large lack of revision for this paper. Many of the mistakes could have been spotted just by reading it aloud. As a result, reading the paper was difficult and annoying.

Paper #2
“Online College vs. Online High School”
Grade: D+
Explanation: The thesis is weakened due to spelling errors and a bad beginning, but it is existent. There were a few spelling and grammatical errors. However, the sentences were fairly simple to understand. The individual asked questions and answered them right afterwards. There wasn't a lot of information from outside sources. I don't believe they used all three of their sources. Most of the paper was opinionated. It has a very weak conclusion. The conclusion should not start with "In conclusion..." and it should be more in depth. The paper could use more revision to find the obvious mistakes. Though weak, the paper made its points and followed its thesis.

Paper #3
“Predisposed to Divorce”
Grade: A-
Explanation: It has a well developed introduction with a solid thesis. All of the sources are used effectively. The paper is understandable. Besides a few spelling and grammatical errors it is strong. It follows the thesis. The conclusion is complete. The paper met the criteria and was interesting.

Paper #4
“NAACP Case Against Gun Manufacturers”
Grade: B-
Explanation: The introduction lacks detail and has a weak thesis. they are placing their citations wrong. One of them contains "Mays" who is not listed on the work cited. It could be a misprint. They should work on their grammer. The points being made in the paper are clear. The major problem with the paper is the grammatical errors. The author should work on comma usage. The conclusion seemed to just come to an end. Rather than sum up the paper the author made up their own conclusion for the problem and left it at that. With a few adjusments in grammer it can be a fairly well written paper.

Comment Response

Most of the people I have sent comments to are those who seem to be taken in by products that try to appeal to their social status. The products they have are those like clothing and perfumes. The advertisers of their products have models that appeal towards the audience. Those who are exposed to the ad may have the interpretation that they too can be like that model if they have the product. I believe that those who buy these products may be those who are not insecure, but have ambitions to better themselves. The advertisements make it seem that their products are the key to achieving these ambitions.

Ranch Dressing

While randomly flipping through a few magazines this ad caught my eye. Being that it was an object that I actually had it stood out over the various types of lotions and make-up accessories inside of the "Ebony" magazine I was looking through. Personally I rarely read magazines so I was left to rely on those of females in my family. Despite it all I found an ad on Ranch dressing which most people have lying around in their refrigerator at some point or another. I want to make a major focus on the color scheme (green) which could be associated with healthy vegetables and the comparison between it and desserts that they seem to be making with it. Very rough thesis: Though the creators of the advertisement may be completely honest about their product making vegetables taste better, they are also misleading their customers into thinking the food is still as healthy.

Rough outline:

Introduction

Audience

A. Origin of Ad

B. Targeted Consumer

Obvious Detail

A. Color and Presentation

B. Word Choice

Advertisors Methods

A. Purpose of Color

B. Message in the Cupcakes

Conclusion